At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
