meet me or not, i'm out of control
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
