I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize