My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
