Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
