I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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