he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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