My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
