So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
