the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
