Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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