Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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