i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
