And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
