jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
