wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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