ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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