So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
