my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
