she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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