They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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