bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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