I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
