Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
