Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize