you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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