they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
