I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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