everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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