I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
