Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
