hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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