I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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