my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
