Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just crazy horny about you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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