I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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