i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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