you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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