something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
