why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
