Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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