I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
