there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
