i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
