I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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