There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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