so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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