tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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