I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
