Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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