His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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