What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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