the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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