i permit you to call me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
