I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
