So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
