so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
