i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
