You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
