dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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