When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
