I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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