i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
