and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
