So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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