Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
