At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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