Apparently you make a good broom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
