I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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