Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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