I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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