You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sex in a hospital.. check
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
