Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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