omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They took my balls.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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