there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
