I accidentally burped into my bong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
