I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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