I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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